From happy days of being drunk in Diu, this young man flies to BOLLYWOOD. André picks me up at the airport that is located 90 minutes from Colaba, which is the cheapest and best place to stay in Bombay. Here you get a decent room for Rs 1500!
Mr. André, an incredibly knowledgeable guy, who knows a lot about Hinduism, speaks ten languages, loves to talk about politics (which I don’t, you know me), has been all over the world, comes and takes me to a really expensive and flashy restaurant and buys me dinner. To celebrate, we drink Champagne (and Gin and Tonic, of course), get drunk, laugh and, we are the kings of the world! The places that he takes me to are not the regular restaurants that I’m use to, but what the fuck, who cares? The last night in Bombay, we went for sushi at the Taj, which is the most expensive palace in Bombay, and the bill ended up at Rs 7500 (1200 Swedish crowns, and this is in India!!)
Speaking of the Taj, I have to tell you the story about the first time we went there for a couple of beers, and it turned out that they had a dress code, which basically means that you’re not supposed to show up in shorts and a tank top, even though it’s Dolce and Gabbana (I had “real” shorts from India; shouldn’t that have been good enough?) They just kicked us out! Capital assholes!
We took a boat trip to Elephanta Island, which was interesting because André knew the history about it, but otherwise not so much to see, just caves, and if you’ve seen one, you seen them all (like watching Swedish porn). Five very INTENSIVE days in Bombay concluding with……a BOLLYWOOD MOVIE!!
André’s agent gets us in to this big movie that is coming out next year. André has done this before, so he knows how it works, and of course a day like this has the privilege of getting up early in the morning, and for those who know me, this is not one of my favorite things….hmm… Me, André and this REALLY neurotic bitch from Austria, and a “ couple” (or something that should look like it) from Australia, where he actually was an actor and singer back in Australia, and a “ non-English speaking”) a girl from Peru (very pretty though, honestly so hot that I almost had ho hide my hard on), and a FAT CRUMMY cochon from San Francisco, and like top of it all, a totally disoriented guy from Iceland and two Swedish girls. And as usual I let my verbal diarrhea flow, but with these Swedish girls, there was only “one-way communication” meaning that I asked a lot of questions, like where they were from and things like that, but with these “deaf mutes” or rather socially retarded girls, I didn’t get any kind of response. (ADHD, DAMP, juvenile dementia?) Fuck it! The neurotic girl from Austria was just too much; she couldn’t even drink from the same bottle of water that I and André was drinking from, she had to clean it with antiseptic before she took a swig, and she demanded plastic mugs and thought that Indians were a “dirty humans” and I would not be surprised if this girl never experienced a REAL orgasm, or even worse, being finger fucked by a guy wearing sterile hand glove!!
When she told us, back in the car, from the movie shooting that she couldn’t stand the beggars and the children asking for money, my patience sort of ran out. Hey bitch, put yourself in their position, do you think they do it for fun, huh? Wake up, OK!
And at the movie shoot we have the opportunity to dance in the background, along with these really famous Indian stars, and the two first shots make us so popular, that the director put the two of us in front of the camera (I did my Tony Manero/Madonna moves combined with “my own steps”), and the more we dance the closer we get to the camera. The Indian extras totally surround us and the attention we get is just crazy! And the more we dance, the closer to the camera we get, and at the end, WE are The KINGS! Up at the DJ-booth and the spotlight is on me! People are surrounding me, asking about my earrings, and my sunglasses (PRADA, of course, what else?), which I more than proudly tell them ( And of course I’m wearing D&G tank top and shorts from Gucci). Confessions on a Dance Floor, I just love the affirmation and the validation I get, and best of all, I will be seen in this movie, that’s for sure. They asked us to come back the next day, but since I got a ticket to Goa I have to say no. (Bad thing, they pay for everything: the transport, the food and a stipend of Rs 600 a day). But since I decided to head further down south, I got myself a ticket to Goa (flight of course) for only 500 Swedish crowns.
André is going to Cochin to meet up his “surrogate mother” and I will be there on Wednesday. The plan is to go on a houseboat for a couple of days, and André and Nina are going to cook for me, and as well teach me how to cook, too! Believe or not! ( just hope it’s going to be “diet food”, do not want ruin my so called “yoyo weight loss diet”
Bombay, a city filled with posh people and places that are expensive, but it has its dark side that I can’t even describe in words, all these beggars, particularly all the kids, dirty and totally exploited, without any future, just makes me cry. I feel so much for these people. Gave away the coins that I had in my bag, and gave away some clothes that I don’t need. I tried.
For whatever reason, sitting here in Goa, where I had my first shark for dinner, where I’m sitting right now , had a Carlsberg for the first time since I got here (And you all know me, I LOVE Carlsberg beer), got a nice fucking suntan, got robbed at Anjuna beach, the fucking asshole took my wallet, though there was only cash in it, he took what I had, but still it was Rs 2000, (approximately 350 Swedish crowns). Tried to find the fucker to rearrange his face but of course I couldn’t find him, but since I’m going back to Goa, I will find him, and when I find him, he will end up in a wheelchair. Whatever, having the time of my life and it’s only getting better and better, and I’m just so excited for the next four months that I have before I’m going home. “Little Brown/Blue” in the big world is making the best out of it.
More pictures are coming, that’s for sure, and please keep writing to me. I hope that you all are just fine, even though the fall is coming closer, I’m just enjoying the 35 degree heat (it’s hot here, don’t even bother to ask!)
Next thing I will do, is pack my bag and have a Gin and Tonic (just a tiny one), since a bottle of gin only cost 35 Swedish crows
You’re all on my mind. Through cyberspace, you will all have a BIG hug!
(Intro: Bo Kaspers Orkester: “The Spotlight Is On Me”)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
“But it’s not the fall that hurts, It’s when you hit the ground”
To do something extraordinary in life, you sometimes do you different things; some things you don’t do again, some things you do over and over again. The “little incredibly fantastic” bus trip that was supposed to take 15 hours, had the pleasure of clocking the amazing time of 26 hours. NO MORE FUCKING BUS, THAT’S FOR SURE!! MOTHERFUCK! And as usual it started out well, like the bus was on time and I put me self in the box and my 70 kg backpack, doubly folded, hungry and in a bad need of a toilet, the HELL started. Got the driver to stop the bus just so I wouldn’t pee my pants, with my pure Swedish urine, in their little “exclusive” box was hardly sufficient.
Finally reach Jangart, where I have to change buses (if I you think it was a simple procedure, THINK AGAIN!) and of course it was delayed and after waiting for two and a half hours, they just told me that the bus to Diu was cancelled and that I had take the local bus which took 6.5 hours (instead of the three that it was supposed to take). Stuffed in the back of the bus with my big fucking backpack, which was CROWDED with locals), tired and annoyed, this really DRUNK Indian man starts to talk to me with very bad English, which only served to increase my irritation, and when I told him I was too tired and “out of order” he asked me if he could see my dick!
What did you say, ha? I swear to God, Buddha, every fucking so called diety, no matter what, that my patience totally crashed, and I got so angry that I just yelled at him, and called him every fucking word I had in my mind, and the all people at the bus just turned over and finally the driver stopped the bus and had the fucking asshole kicked off! Revenge can be so sweet!
Arriving in Diu, the place is DEAD; no tourist can even get a rickshaw. I was tired and hungry, and on top it all, I couldn’t find any place to stay, pacing around for and an hour or so, trying to find a hotel. The first one was really dirty and awful, I just skipped it, back on the horse, I suddenly find a bar (A beer is the definitely what I deserve after all I’ve been through, what the hell did I do to deserve this, answer me!) Refill myself with two beers, and make my way to a hotel that I found in Lonely Planet, but sort of drunk I got lost, confused (or rather a TOTALLY disoriented) and this Polish guy on a motorbike sees me, takes me on his bike to a hotel.
And being the only one at the hotel, which a FAT lazy old man and his two wives run, I study them: he is fat and disabled (in more ways than physiologically)… I watch him during a dinner that is spicy as hell, but good, telling his wife’s what to do or not. They cut his nails, wash his hair, shave him (and I wouldn’t be surprised if they give him laxatives, but hopefully not in the restaurant). Can’t stand it, change hotels, or at least try to next morning but can’t find a decent hotel before check out time, so I stay another night.
Next morning I change hotels and there all of a sudden, the three girls from Sweden were there. We decide to have dinner together and have “couple of beers” (a “couple” is a definition, isn’t it?). And from that it just got totally out of control (BIG TIME). At the time, the Indians had a “dry day” which basically meant that all liquor stores are closed and the restaurants are not allowed to serve any kind of alcohol, but “ well known” as I am (just because it was the same restaurant where I had my two first beers in this town), I manage to get them to serve us Gin and Limca!, Drunk and as the Swedes we are, we buy two bottles of gin an Limca, enough to last for a life time! We finished the two bottles in 45 minutes. The PARTY resulted in a MONSTEROUS drunk, where two German guys and the Swedish girls had the enjoyment of carrying me back to my bungalow, in a state where I was so drunk I couldn’t even stand on my own two feet. Time for the ”Swedish dude” to sleep. BIG TIME hangover next day is just the first humiliation. Of course we did the same thing next night, but the Swedish girls didn’t have to act in the role of nurses.
But I have to admit that from all this there was some kind of inner tension and stress that I had carried along since I got to India, and of course, I let I out by getting myself so drunk, just as the “Swedish dude” I am. Whatever; I had so much fun those nights, so what the fuck!?
Going to Bombay on Thursday and I’m going to be in a BOLLYWOOD MOVIE!!!!
Hahaha….can you believe that? André has his own agent so he fixed it all: an A-movie production, just too bad that I parceled home my “Tony Manero suit”. And how am I going to Bombay? Not by bus, that’s for sure! This time I’m taking the flight that cost me only 450 Swedish crowns!
And then I realized that I’m not as disoriented as I thought, I was (even though I was “sort of” disoriented for two nights), and that I’m going to make it. This is the trip that I have been waiting for, for ten years!!! And it’s just getting better and better every day. Had a down period with some tears and actually missed all the –comforts that I have back home, but just the knowledge of going to Bombay to hook up with André again and do the south part of India just makes me so much happier, even though I’m happy, happy to be here.
Whatever: got a nice suntan (combined with black and blue marks all over my body), excited about Bombay, newly shaved and with 365,354 new mosquito bites I’m now going to get myself together and my backpack as well and hit BOLLYWOOD!!!
To be continued……
Finally reach Jangart, where I have to change buses (if I you think it was a simple procedure, THINK AGAIN!) and of course it was delayed and after waiting for two and a half hours, they just told me that the bus to Diu was cancelled and that I had take the local bus which took 6.5 hours (instead of the three that it was supposed to take). Stuffed in the back of the bus with my big fucking backpack, which was CROWDED with locals), tired and annoyed, this really DRUNK Indian man starts to talk to me with very bad English, which only served to increase my irritation, and when I told him I was too tired and “out of order” he asked me if he could see my dick!
What did you say, ha? I swear to God, Buddha, every fucking so called diety, no matter what, that my patience totally crashed, and I got so angry that I just yelled at him, and called him every fucking word I had in my mind, and the all people at the bus just turned over and finally the driver stopped the bus and had the fucking asshole kicked off! Revenge can be so sweet!
Arriving in Diu, the place is DEAD; no tourist can even get a rickshaw. I was tired and hungry, and on top it all, I couldn’t find any place to stay, pacing around for and an hour or so, trying to find a hotel. The first one was really dirty and awful, I just skipped it, back on the horse, I suddenly find a bar (A beer is the definitely what I deserve after all I’ve been through, what the hell did I do to deserve this, answer me!) Refill myself with two beers, and make my way to a hotel that I found in Lonely Planet, but sort of drunk I got lost, confused (or rather a TOTALLY disoriented) and this Polish guy on a motorbike sees me, takes me on his bike to a hotel.
And being the only one at the hotel, which a FAT lazy old man and his two wives run, I study them: he is fat and disabled (in more ways than physiologically)… I watch him during a dinner that is spicy as hell, but good, telling his wife’s what to do or not. They cut his nails, wash his hair, shave him (and I wouldn’t be surprised if they give him laxatives, but hopefully not in the restaurant). Can’t stand it, change hotels, or at least try to next morning but can’t find a decent hotel before check out time, so I stay another night.
Next morning I change hotels and there all of a sudden, the three girls from Sweden were there. We decide to have dinner together and have “couple of beers” (a “couple” is a definition, isn’t it?). And from that it just got totally out of control (BIG TIME). At the time, the Indians had a “dry day” which basically meant that all liquor stores are closed and the restaurants are not allowed to serve any kind of alcohol, but “ well known” as I am (just because it was the same restaurant where I had my two first beers in this town), I manage to get them to serve us Gin and Limca!, Drunk and as the Swedes we are, we buy two bottles of gin an Limca, enough to last for a life time! We finished the two bottles in 45 minutes. The PARTY resulted in a MONSTEROUS drunk, where two German guys and the Swedish girls had the enjoyment of carrying me back to my bungalow, in a state where I was so drunk I couldn’t even stand on my own two feet. Time for the ”Swedish dude” to sleep. BIG TIME hangover next day is just the first humiliation. Of course we did the same thing next night, but the Swedish girls didn’t have to act in the role of nurses.
But I have to admit that from all this there was some kind of inner tension and stress that I had carried along since I got to India, and of course, I let I out by getting myself so drunk, just as the “Swedish dude” I am. Whatever; I had so much fun those nights, so what the fuck!?
Going to Bombay on Thursday and I’m going to be in a BOLLYWOOD MOVIE!!!!
Hahaha….can you believe that? André has his own agent so he fixed it all: an A-movie production, just too bad that I parceled home my “Tony Manero suit”. And how am I going to Bombay? Not by bus, that’s for sure! This time I’m taking the flight that cost me only 450 Swedish crowns!
And then I realized that I’m not as disoriented as I thought, I was (even though I was “sort of” disoriented for two nights), and that I’m going to make it. This is the trip that I have been waiting for, for ten years!!! And it’s just getting better and better every day. Had a down period with some tears and actually missed all the –comforts that I have back home, but just the knowledge of going to Bombay to hook up with André again and do the south part of India just makes me so much happier, even though I’m happy, happy to be here.
Whatever: got a nice suntan (combined with black and blue marks all over my body), excited about Bombay, newly shaved and with 365,354 new mosquito bites I’m now going to get myself together and my backpack as well and hit BOLLYWOOD!!!
To be continued……
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