From happy days of being drunk in Diu, this young man flies to BOLLYWOOD. André picks me up at the airport that is located 90 minutes from Colaba, which is the cheapest and best place to stay in Bombay. Here you get a decent room for Rs 1500!
Mr. André, an incredibly knowledgeable guy, who knows a lot about Hinduism, speaks ten languages, loves to talk about politics (which I don’t, you know me), has been all over the world, comes and takes me to a really expensive and flashy restaurant and buys me dinner. To celebrate, we drink Champagne (and Gin and Tonic, of course), get drunk, laugh and, we are the kings of the world! The places that he takes me to are not the regular restaurants that I’m use to, but what the fuck, who cares? The last night in Bombay, we went for sushi at the Taj, which is the most expensive palace in Bombay, and the bill ended up at Rs 7500 (1200 Swedish crowns, and this is in India!!)
Speaking of the Taj, I have to tell you the story about the first time we went there for a couple of beers, and it turned out that they had a dress code, which basically means that you’re not supposed to show up in shorts and a tank top, even though it’s Dolce and Gabbana (I had “real” shorts from India; shouldn’t that have been good enough?) They just kicked us out! Capital assholes!
We took a boat trip to Elephanta Island, which was interesting because André knew the history about it, but otherwise not so much to see, just caves, and if you’ve seen one, you seen them all (like watching Swedish porn). Five very INTENSIVE days in Bombay concluding with……a BOLLYWOOD MOVIE!!
André’s agent gets us in to this big movie that is coming out next year. André has done this before, so he knows how it works, and of course a day like this has the privilege of getting up early in the morning, and for those who know me, this is not one of my favorite things….hmm… Me, André and this REALLY neurotic bitch from Austria, and a “ couple” (or something that should look like it) from Australia, where he actually was an actor and singer back in Australia, and a “ non-English speaking”) a girl from Peru (very pretty though, honestly so hot that I almost had ho hide my hard on), and a FAT CRUMMY cochon from San Francisco, and like top of it all, a totally disoriented guy from Iceland and two Swedish girls. And as usual I let my verbal diarrhea flow, but with these Swedish girls, there was only “one-way communication” meaning that I asked a lot of questions, like where they were from and things like that, but with these “deaf mutes” or rather socially retarded girls, I didn’t get any kind of response. (ADHD, DAMP, juvenile dementia?) Fuck it! The neurotic girl from Austria was just too much; she couldn’t even drink from the same bottle of water that I and André was drinking from, she had to clean it with antiseptic before she took a swig, and she demanded plastic mugs and thought that Indians were a “dirty humans” and I would not be surprised if this girl never experienced a REAL orgasm, or even worse, being finger fucked by a guy wearing sterile hand glove!!
When she told us, back in the car, from the movie shooting that she couldn’t stand the beggars and the children asking for money, my patience sort of ran out. Hey bitch, put yourself in their position, do you think they do it for fun, huh? Wake up, OK!
And at the movie shoot we have the opportunity to dance in the background, along with these really famous Indian stars, and the two first shots make us so popular, that the director put the two of us in front of the camera (I did my Tony Manero/Madonna moves combined with “my own steps”), and the more we dance the closer we get to the camera. The Indian extras totally surround us and the attention we get is just crazy! And the more we dance, the closer to the camera we get, and at the end, WE are The KINGS! Up at the DJ-booth and the spotlight is on me! People are surrounding me, asking about my earrings, and my sunglasses (PRADA, of course, what else?), which I more than proudly tell them ( And of course I’m wearing D&G tank top and shorts from Gucci). Confessions on a Dance Floor, I just love the affirmation and the validation I get, and best of all, I will be seen in this movie, that’s for sure. They asked us to come back the next day, but since I got a ticket to Goa I have to say no. (Bad thing, they pay for everything: the transport, the food and a stipend of Rs 600 a day). But since I decided to head further down south, I got myself a ticket to Goa (flight of course) for only 500 Swedish crowns.
André is going to Cochin to meet up his “surrogate mother” and I will be there on Wednesday. The plan is to go on a houseboat for a couple of days, and André and Nina are going to cook for me, and as well teach me how to cook, too! Believe or not! ( just hope it’s going to be “diet food”, do not want ruin my so called “yoyo weight loss diet”
Bombay, a city filled with posh people and places that are expensive, but it has its dark side that I can’t even describe in words, all these beggars, particularly all the kids, dirty and totally exploited, without any future, just makes me cry. I feel so much for these people. Gave away the coins that I had in my bag, and gave away some clothes that I don’t need. I tried.
For whatever reason, sitting here in Goa, where I had my first shark for dinner, where I’m sitting right now , had a Carlsberg for the first time since I got here (And you all know me, I LOVE Carlsberg beer), got a nice fucking suntan, got robbed at Anjuna beach, the fucking asshole took my wallet, though there was only cash in it, he took what I had, but still it was Rs 2000, (approximately 350 Swedish crowns). Tried to find the fucker to rearrange his face but of course I couldn’t find him, but since I’m going back to Goa, I will find him, and when I find him, he will end up in a wheelchair. Whatever, having the time of my life and it’s only getting better and better, and I’m just so excited for the next four months that I have before I’m going home. “Little Brown/Blue” in the big world is making the best out of it.
More pictures are coming, that’s for sure, and please keep writing to me. I hope that you all are just fine, even though the fall is coming closer, I’m just enjoying the 35 degree heat (it’s hot here, don’t even bother to ask!)
Next thing I will do, is pack my bag and have a Gin and Tonic (just a tiny one), since a bottle of gin only cost 35 Swedish crows
You’re all on my mind. Through cyberspace, you will all have a BIG hug!
(Intro: Bo Kaspers Orkester: “The Spotlight Is On Me”)
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