And from nowhere he just showed up, Mr. André, a guy from Canada, and as always in this country people speak to me in Hindi, or think I’m from Israel. Whatever, in some strange way we got into where we both came from, and his background sort of fascinated me, made me curious, born in New York, raised in Canada spent a couple of years in Indonesia and for the last eight years had been living in Israel. And of course I had to tell him the long boring story that I’m not from Sweden, originally from Chile, blah blah blah. Well, the point is that I finally found a really nice and funny guy who wants to travel with me.
Does the pope have an ugly hat?? Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back??
Of course was all I said. And after I puked myself tired (not from Mr. Food Poisoning, rather from cabin fever), I leave Pushkar after nine days for Udaipur, a small town which should be one of the most romantic towns in this country (not so fucking funny as a single guy, being smashed by the dark side of single life when you watch all disgusting quite and “sweetheart, I Love You SOOOOOO Much” couples choosing between pink or purple toilet paper in every store you enter).
Udaipur, a small, quiet town with few tourists makes it all feel a little better, and the bus trip that I took from Pushkar was just an ”incredibly fascinating” experience in itself. Sleeper Class cost me Rs 240 (40 Swedish crowns) and took eight hours. In something that looks like a box from the TV-show “På Spåret” they push you in and you’re expected to sleep throughout the trip. This English girl in the same box under me has some sort of claustrophobia so we talk for a while until I find two Valium, because since Mr. Food Poisoning’s visit, Mr. Sandman had obviously been in a BAD mood (probably from not getting laid last night) for right in the middle of our conversation I just pass out, like getting a fat bitch-slap.
Through Jitu’s help, I have the name of the hotel and as usual, the staff picks me up, and the room I get is just fantastic and the discount is even better, got it down from Rs 650 to Rs 200!! Window opening onto the garden and of course I let them open it because of the HEAT. What I didn’t know was what the garden belonged to a girl’s school, so out from the shower I’m jumping around in my birthday suit until I realized a sound that belongs to 12 years old girls laughing their asses of and ogling me until the limit where they pee their pants. If these girls didn’t have Anatomy as a subject, I would swear they had their first “live lecture”.
Morning starts with breakfast and the English girl, Galit shows up and we decide to do some sightseeing, starting with the totally meaningless city palace and the museum, which was almost as interesting as the three mosquito bites that my ass was tortured with on the ”incredibly fascinating” bus trip. After the palace we take a boat trip, that probably was one of the most funny things so far, and for economic reasons we decide to take one of the paddle boats and just paddle around the lake. In the middle of the lake there is a famous hotel (James Bond had shot one of his movies there, but who the fuck cares?) and it is surrounded by a “ private area” where tourists from “Lonely Planet hotels” are not allowed to enter, and just guess what we do! Simply paddle into the “private area” and while we both enjoying the beautiful sunset, a police boat comes up and directs us toward “our area of the lake” (fucking asshole). But nothing bad comes about without something good, and we had a nice and funny boat trip and an amazing sunset.
The next day we went downtown, checked out the spice market, went to a churchyard where they had buried a bunch of old maharajas, which was just as much fun as running around counterclockwise in a churchyard in Gothenburg. After dinner, we meet three Swedish girls and take another boat trip (not a paddle boat, that’s for sure) . The Swedish girls are one the way to Diu, and so am I, so I’m just waiting to catch up with these girls and freak out like Swedes do when they are abroad, and of course, get myself a nice fucking suntan!
There are moments in your life when you realize the meaning of life. For me, it’s just to live it and do something good about it. All these amazing, fantastic experiences that I’ve had so far on this trip, just give me so much strength and energy. Just spending a sleepless night on the rooftop, watching the sky and the stars, or just spending an hour an half in a store, talking with Indian people and drinking chai, having 256,984 kids running after Jitu’s ( NEW MOTORBIKE) trying to touch a tourist, which is one of the dreams an Indian kid has, giving away my school pens to other kids and seeing the happiness of getting a simple thing such as a school pen, giving away an old T-shirt to a beggar, sleeping for as long I can or two, no requirements, no obligations. All the people I meet, all the validation I get for my shaved head and my earrings as well just pacing around the city, all makes me feel so free and independent. Perhaps the happiest I’ve ever been.
André is going to Bombay for a date and I will hook up with him the next week. Suffering from cold, that made me lose almost all of my voice and my nose is running like an elephant pissing. I manage to forget my camera on the last boat trip we had; but a really nice Indian guy went back to the boat and found it for me; after that I forget my memory card at the internet café ( being the idiot I am, I discover it three hours later), but the nice guy at the place has is, so it turned out well. In three hours I will take another “incredibly fantastic” bus trip, but this time to Diu, and best of all it only takes 15 hours!! Do you think I fell excited about it?
If I don’t stop my writing, my nose is going to drip all over the keyboard and electrocute my face, and if I don’t stop coughing, I’ll blow a hole in the monitor. I’ll probably pee my pants too. Time to finish up here.
(Intro: Madonna: “How High”)
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